Simon Doonan, Nasty
Simon Doonan is the hip, hilarious and very talented creative director of Barney's. Simon has also appeared on VH1, writes a column for the New York Observer and has made cameo appearences on Americas Top Model, The Cut and Project Runway.
His book, Nasty is on the shelves right this second. The big white teeth with pinky gums caught my attention (how could it not?) when I was in the book store last week. The book is very funny and vivid and I recommend it to everyone who is looking for a quick, witty memoir.
I just knew we would hit it off and he would offer to send me boxes and boxes of free clothes...well, you know. He might. Until then, enjoy the interview. And you know, Simon, adoption is very chic these days. I know of a completely toilet trained thirty-three year old in desperate need of a fairy gay mother with impeccable taste.
Simon, you are the first man to be interviewed on my site, congrats. We should get my Anna Wintour (ugly bulldog) and your Liberace to play together wearing their matching crystal studded dog collars and rhinestone trimmed cell phones! What do you think?
Liberace is very butch and would never allow me to do anything nelly to him. I am not, and can be talked into wearing anything.
I imagine Nasty to be a memoir like Angela's Ashes only with more fashion and less poverty. How would you describe the book?
It's a series of jarring recollections - beginning with the day my mother sneezed and her dentures flew out.There's loads of poverty. I was born in a two roomed walk-up with no kitchen or bathroom - it was gritty as hell. But my parents were glam. My mother was kind of like Betty Grable. There's quite alot of fashion - especially when I got arrested - twice.
Was there an instance in your life where you suddenly thought, "I must write my life story!" or has this been brewing for a long time? Who would play you in the movie version of Nasty?
NASTY is more of memoir/montage - I am lucky to have grown up in an insanely wacky family and to have had a complicated sleazy trajectory so I have loads of tawdry anecdotes to share. Linda Hunt should play me in the movie version of NASTY. How about Dakota Fanning?
Growing up, did you ever imagine you would be as successful as you are today, and what did you aspire to be when you were a child?
When I was a kid I wanted to move to Paris and sell my body on the Left Bank to rich old men. I was never very ambitious. I was always a hard worker because I love cash. I always had two jobs.
What was your worst job and what did you despise about it?
I once worked on a building site demolishing public toilets. It was smelly. I was fired.
If I flew to New York to visit you (first class of course!), I would wear my faux fur wrap with my sky high stilettos and cats-eye sunglasses. Where would you take me and what would we do?
I would take you to the revolving cocktail lounge at the Marriott Marquis and try to pimp you out to some out of town business men. Just kidding! We could go to the Howard Johnson on Times Square - no expense spared. (Oh Simon, you are such a prince!)
What are you wearing? Is it designer clothes every day or do you ever kick back and slip on some Kathy Ireland separates from Kmart and chill? I know. You can't relax in man- made fibers, right?
Am wearing a Prada suit with a floral shirt and narrow tie and Berluti loafers (Andy W wore them) - it's very hot. I'm insanely overdressed.
If you could rid the world of one reoccurring fashion disaster, what would it be? For me, it's a toss up for me between pleated pants and plastic hair clips.
I like fashion disasters. I have no desire to prevent people from looking insane. It's entertaining. It's also subjective - If people like their Delta Burke muumuus then I have no desire to take that away from them.
Are you working on another book right now? What's next for you Simon?
I'm working on a book about lousy advice called "Splash your breasts with ice-cold water" - it will probably come out next year.
Do you read tawdry tabloids and gloat over the many horrendous fashion faux pas out there? And who is one celebrity you would like to give a makeover to and what would you do to her/him?
I have no desire to give anyone a make-over. I like it when people look like themselves even if they look retarded. Again, it's all subjective - there are loads of people out there who probably think I look like a total idiot.
I love the tabloids because they deconstruct celebrities. I look at all of them. The Star is my fave.